Hanging On
by quinnovative
Summary: Kara is falling apart after the events of 1x16, luckily, Alex is there to help her out.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Happy Supergirl Monday, everyone :) This fic takes place a day after episode 1x16. I hope you enjoy it and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

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Kara sniffled and looked around the office, it had been emptying over the past few hours until the day time employees had vacated the floor – gone home to spouses and to kids, to lives that weren't quite so messy or sad.

Her hands were shaking, her chest nearly heaving as she felt her heartrate increasing. Everything was a trigger for an avalanche of regret and horrible memories… the building, the lack of chatter, Cat herself, seated in her office typing furiously on her computer. Kara wished she couldn't remember throwing the woman off her balcony.

It was dark outside, now. Night had fallen across the city. Behind each glowing window was a person, a life. And Kara had been so close to tearing so many of those apart just one night prior.

Alex had insisted that Kara stay home today, take a few hours off until she felt better. But Kara couldn't stay home, she needed to work, she needed to be distracted to keep herself from drowning in the abyss of guilt and hurt she was feeling.

She slumped in her seat and tried, for what felt like the hundredth time, to focus on the article she'd been tasked with looking over. But the words kept blurring together, her vision fuzzy and her mind a million miles away, swamped and crowded with regret.

Her phone rang with a sudden jolt and Kara jumped up, skittish and unsettled. She peered at the screen, read Alex's name, and tried to swallow the guilt knotting in her stomach at the way she'd treated Alex last night, under the red kryptonite. The things she'd said, the things she'd done… they were unforgivable, they were unthinkable.

"Hey, Alex," Kara answered and hoped her voice didn't sound as strained as she felt. If Alex heard the way Kara's voice was shaking, she'd be over in a minute.

"Hey, Kara," Alex said and her voice was so soft and warm that Kara wanted to cry because she missed her sister so much, even though Kara was the one pushing her away. And it wasn't just Alex she missed, it was everything she'd thrown away last night. It was their bond, their trust, their sisterhood. Kara didn't think it could ever be the same.

She couldn't handle seeing Alex right now, couldn't see the sympathy and concern on her sister's face.

"I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing," Alex continued.

Kara ran a hand through her hair, unintentionally loosening the clip it was held in place with. Moving her hands helped keep them from shaking. It was the fifth time that day Alex had called to check up on her and Kara couldn't help the perpetual sinking feeling in her stomach that she didn't deserve someone as good as Alex in her life.

Biting back a sob and squeezing away tears, Kara shook her head. "I'm okay," she said as her voice cracked.

Kara heard her sister sigh through the phone, and when Alex spoke again her voice was gentle. "You don't sound okay."

"I am, I am. I just…" Kara trailed off, this time it was her turn to sigh. "I'm scared, Alex."

"Of what?" Alex asked and Kara could hear movement and talking in the background, could picture her sister in the halls of the DEO base. For some reason, the image brought her some comfort and Kara felt her heartrate settling just a bit.

"Of everything," she admitted and then she was drowning, in words and regrets. Her heartrate spiked back up and her body trembled. She snuck a glance at Cat and, deeming the coast clear, slid from her chair and ran into the bathroom.

Alex's voice was in her ear as she slipped into a stall, but she couldn't hear it, couldn't make out the words as the world fell into pieces around her. And while she hiccupped and choked it felt like the walls were closing and water was rushing in.

Through her phone, discarded to the side when Kara slid to the floor, came a crackle. It pulled Kara away from her head for a moment, making her coherent enough to hear Alex. "Kara? Kara, I'm coming to get you. I'll be there in ten minutes. Just hang on, okay?"

"Okay," she managed between shuddery gasps for air. She was too tired to fight. Too tired to do anything but sit there in an empty bathroom stall, sobbing and trying to just hang on. Hang on for Alex.

True to her word, just minutes later, the door to the bathroom opened and Kara heard familiar footsteps. Straining against every instinct to rush in and immediately pull Kara into a hug, Alex instead lowered herself onto the floor, so her back was separated from Kara's by only an inch of metal, both of them leaning on the same door. Kara needed slow and steady and calm.

"Hey," Alex said softly. "It's me. I'm here now."

On the other side, Kara squeezed her eyes shut and nodded, trying to slow her breathing enough to respond. Instead a strangled cry slipped from between her lips and she shivered so hard Alex could feel it on the opposite side of the stall.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, Kara. I know you're hurt and you feel guilty and you're terrified, but it's going to be okay. It is."

Alex slid her hand beneath the door until she pumped Kara's hand, gently taking it into her own. Kara squeezed weakly and Alex nearly sighed in relief. Under her fingers, Alex felt Kara's pulse racing, her hand trembling.

"Did you know that when I was little, I was scared of thunderstorms?" Alex asked.

Kara couldn't imagine Alex scared of anything. "No," she whispered.

"It's true," Alex said, encouraged at the sound of Kara's voice. "I love them now, but for years I was completely, one hundred percent terrified."

"You were?" Kara straightened up a bit and realized she wasn't sobbing anymore.

"Mhhmm. I used to crawl into Mom and Dad's bed every night there was a bad storm. Once, I even hide under a chair for a whole two hours until they found me."

Kara let out a soft, watery laugh at the idea. "H-how'd you do it? Stop being afraid?"

"One day, it was raining pretty hard, no thunder and lightning, but hard enough that was nervous. I was ready to retreat into my room… instead, Dad took me outside and convinced me to lay down next to him on the ground. He said that's how grass feels when it rains," Alex paused for a second and heard another quiet laugh from Kara. "We sat there for a while, pretending to be grass, and when the sun came out we splashed through puddles and mud. After that, things got better, I wasn't scared anymore."

Kara nodded and clutched Alex's hand. She didn't trust her voice, but she trusted Alex.

She took a deep breath and said, "I really want to hug you right now."

Alex smiled, giving Kara's hand one last squeeze before standing up. "We can't hug through the door."

Kara eased herself off the floor and fumbled with the lock until it opened. The second it was possible, Alex helped Kara out of the stall and pulled her into a hug.

Kara felt a new wave of tears spilling over, wetting Alex's shirt. Alex gently removed the clip from Kara's hair, safely putting it into her pocket. The agent ran her hand over Kara's hair and rubbed her back as Kara buried her face against her sister's neck.

When the crying subsided, lulled to slow, heavy breaths, Alex pulled away slightly so she could look Kara in the eyes. "You wanna get out of here?"

Kara nodded and swallowed thickly. "Thank you for coming and staying here with me. I don't know what happened… I thought I was ready but…"

"It's okay, it happens. We're going to figure everything out, together," Alex said as she guided them out of the bathroom. "You stay here. I'll grab your stuff and be right back."

Kara nodded again and instantly felt better when Alex was back by her side, leading her to the elevator. They stepped in and Kara leaned against Alex, exhaustion weighing her down. "I don't deserve a sister as good as you," she murmured, her eyes closed.

Kara felt Alex shake her head. "Kara," she said, "you deserve every good thing in this world. You deserve every good thing in the galaxy, really. I just try my best."

Kara was too tired to argue, she nestled closer to Alex. "I'm really lucky to have you."

"And I'm just as lucky, if not more, to have you as my sister. Come on," she said as they moved out of the elevator into the lobby. "Let's get you home."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** So, I originally intended for this story to be a one shot, but after some positive response I decided to add a second chapter :)

Also, I'm planning on writing a compilation of one shots or maybe a few multi chapter stories about Kara and Alex's sister relationship, so keep an eye out for that if you'd like. I'm totally open to taking requests, so let me know if there is anything specific you'd like to see!

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It was late that night when the Danvers sisters arrived at Kara's apartment. Alex fit the key into the lock and pulled open the door, leading an exhausted Kara over the threshold and tapping the door closed with her foot. As Alex secured the lock, Kara stood patiently, unwavering at her sister's side. Alex eyed her with concern, Kara typically would have sprawled across the couch by now, or disappeared to her room to put on pajamas.

"Go get changed. I'll be right here when you get back," Alex promised.

Kara shifted on her feet, her gaze still trained past Alex.

"Kara," Alex prodded gently, putting a hand on her sister's shoulder.

Kara glanced up to meet Alex's eyes, shaking her head with furrowed brows. "Right, sorry. Pajamas."

With that, she walked into her room. Her limbs felt heavy and everything ached with a sadness she hadn't felt in a long time. She closed her eyes, hand still hovering over a pair of pajamas, and willed her mind to stop. Just for a few hours; just to provide her temporary liberation from the prison of guilt her memory had become. Closing her eyes just made everything worse so she opened them again and slipped into her pajamas so quickly she almost tripped.

Kara left her room clad in soft, navy pajamas, dotted with golden stars. Alex knew that Kara always wore them when she was scared or sad or having a bad day. Kara joined Alex on the couch, plopping down and shivering.

Alex reached out from the other side of the couch and tugged Kara towards her until the girl gave an exaggerated sigh and slid over, fitting herself right against Alex. The older sister smiled and wrapped her arms around Kara, giving her a tight hug. Resting her chin on Kara's head, Alex said, "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Kara replied, relaxing against Alex and knowing her sister's tugging had only accelerated the inevitable: Kara gravitated to Alex; the Danvers sisters always gravitated toward each other.

"Are you hungry? I can get you something to eat," Alex said. Her fingers ran through Kara's hair, gently loosening any knots she came across.

Kara shook her head against Alex's shoulder. "I'm okay. Thanks though."

"Anything for my little sister," Alex said with a smile. "Do you want something to drink at least?"

Again, Kara shook her head.

Alex moved her hand from Kara's hair to her back, rubbing softly. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

At that, Kara squeezed impossibly closer to Alex. "No," she mumbled against the agent. "I kind of just don't want to think about it, or anything, for a while."

"Okay. You just let me know if you want to talk, all right? No time's a bad time when it comes to you."

"Thank you," Kara said sincerely, looking up at Alex with hair half-a-mess and red, puffy eyes. Kara always looked young to Alex, but in that moment especially, Alex saw the little Kara that'd moved in with her family years ago, scared and alone and confused.

"Anything I can do to help, I'll do it in a heartbeat," Alex said, squeezing Kara's hand.

"Right now, can we watch bad romantic comedies until my mind is numb?"

"It would be my honor," Alex said with a small laugh, flipping through the TV channels until she came across something to fit Kara's request.

Within a few moments Alex felt Kara yawn against her.

"Tired?"

Kara shook her head and was met with a raised brow from Alex.

"I just don't want to go to sleep yet. When I close my eyes I can't help seeing _everything_ I did wrong, and I wish there was something I could do to make it all better but I can't. I'm worthless, Alex. I'm nothing," Kara said.

She sat up, straightening and moving off of Alex. Kara immediately missed the warmth and comfort her sister provided, but the blonde was working herself up again and struggling to sit still. She stood up and began pacing around the living room.

It hurt Alex to hear how Kara's breathing was speeding up, to watch as her sister knotted her fingers together and held them over her head. Alex stood up and Kara dropped her own trembling hands.

Alex wrapped Kara's hands in her own. "Kara, you are not worthless and you are so far from nothing."

Kara shook her hung head. " 'm not a hero like I'm supposed to be, or a good sister…. I wouldn't be surprised if Cat fired me or my friends never talked to me again."

"Kara, Kara, Kara," Alex said, shaking her sister's hands. "I wish you could see how special you are. You have the heart of a hero and you put it into everything you do. I know that, Cat knows it, your friends know it. You're super even without the suit and you're super even when you make mistakes. That's all last night was: a mistake, induced by red kryptonite that you can't control. You can't beat yourself up about it."

"But I hurt people."

"And you save people every single other day of the year. And It wasn't really you that hurt people, it was the red kryptonite."

"I had to think those things, though, at some point to some degree," Kara said, pulling a hand free from Alex to run it through her blonde hair.

"Everyone thinks bad things; things they don't mean. But Kara, when you're you, you don't act on those thoughts. You don't let the darkness consume your light. Actions show who you really are and you're so brave and strong and kind, Kara. You are not what happened last night."

Kara let out a small, soft sigh and Alex could feel her sister coming back down.

They settled back on the couch and Kara nearly collapsed onto Alex. With each passing second, Kara's weight on her grew heavier and Alex could tell her sister was ready to sleep, but unwilling to commit to closing her eyes and leaving her mind susceptible to dreams and memories . Alex also knew that her sister wasn't going to admit any of that out loud. So instead of talking, Alex pulled Kara close, running her hand up and down Kara's arm as the blonde closed her eyes, reluctantly losing the battle against fatigue.

"It's okay, Kara," Alex whispered softly. "I've got you. You're safe."

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 **A/N:** I hope you liked it and as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Also, don't forget to send in prompts for Kara/Alex sister-ness if you'd like :)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Here's the final chapter for this fic. Thank you so much for all the favorites, follows, reviews, and reads! It means so much.

In case you're interested, I've also just posted my new story, By Your Side, featuring Kara/Alex sister one shots, so feel free to check it out/leave feedback/send me prompts, if you'd like :)

Thanks again, I hope you enjoy!

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Looking back, Alex couldn't recall the name of the movie she'd put on. She wouldn't be able to tell you the names of the main characters or even remember a fragment of the plot. She could, on the contrary, tell you that Kara had finally fallen into a deep sleep at exactly three fourteen in the morning. The hours before that had been composed of Kara mumbling, talking nonsense in her sleep, and twisting and turning on the small couch. Alex could recall that in the small conversations she'd had with Kara, the latter woman had sounded so tired, so barely coherent, that Alex was pretty sure her sister wouldn't remember it when she woke up. Alex, though, could remember being terrified and heartbroken for Kara. The agent could recall fighting sleep until she was convinced Kara was settled, and she could recollect running her fingers through Kara's hair and rubbing her shoulder, long after Kara fell asleep, just to be sure she knew she was loved and she knew she was safe.

Night was barely ebbing away, morning light scarcely making its way across the sky when Kara woke up. She peeled her eyes open, blinking a few times. Her head was resting on something warm and soft, something familiar. She sighed heavily, nestling closer against the figure she'd identified as Alex. At some point, in the few hours she'd slept, Kara had moved from leaning against Alex to curling on her own side, her head slipping onto Alex's leg. A blanket had been tucked around the blonde and the TV was dark now.

In the dim light, Kara shifted slightly, trying to remember what events had led to her sleeping on the couch and practically in her sister's lap. The red kryptonite experience still burned in her mind, that wasn't something she would probably ever forget.

The previous day, however, was coming back in small pieces. In images of the CatCo building and almost breakdowns and oh, yeah falling apart on the bathroom floor until Alex showed up and helped her home before talking Kara down _again_ from another near catastrophe.

Half of Kara wanted to shake her head or roll her eyes at how badly she'd reacted yesterday, another part of her was on the verge of trembling and sobbing all over again, instead, fatigue was blanketing Kara with calm and dulling her emotions. She was simply too tired to feel much.

She was thankful to be eased back into awareness. If Alex hadn't been so close, Kara was convinced her sleep would have been plagued with nightmares, and waking up alone would have only made things worse.

Kara wished there was a way to show Alex how grateful she was, but maybe the best thing to do right now was let Alex sleep. Taking care of Kara probably wasn't easy, and she knew Alex had a tendency to cut herself short on sleep.

So Kara turned into Alex, still lying beneath her big sister's arm, and closed her eyes.

The next time Kara woke up, the sun had made significant progress in its ascent across the sky and light was streaming into the living room. After peeking out from beneath her blanket Kara slipped back under it, trying to shield her eyes against the sudden light.

"Hi," Alex said, and when Kara's head emerged from the blanket, Alex smiled, pulling her gaze from her phone to look at her little sister.

"Hey," Kara said and reciprocated the smile as she shifted upward until she was sitting.

She leaned over until she bumped Alex's shoulder. "Thanks for staying out here with me last night and everything else you did. I really appreciate it."

Alex moved toward Kara, bumping her in return with a grin. "What else was I gonna do, Kara? You're stuck with me."

"No," Kara said with a laugh that made Alex feel so good. "Somehow I don't think 'stuck' is quite the word for it."

Alex stood up, offering a hand to Kara and helping her off the couch. "So, what do you want to do today?"

Kara shrugged. "I have to go to work." She glanced at the clock. "Cat expects me to be there in an hour."

Alex shook her head. "I really think you should call in sick. Yesterday was pretty rough and you didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

Kara looked down, contemplating the idea before Alex continued. "I have a few small things to do at the DEO, you can come with. After that we can just hang out. You need to rest."

"I don't know," Kara said with a sight. "I feel bad cutting out on work."

"It's only one day. Plus, you really shouldn't have been there yesterday, but you were, so it'll cancel out. _And,_ you have a medical checkup at the DEO later today, so you'd have to leave work early, anyway."

"All right, all right," Kara said, rubbing her eyes and turning toward the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower."

"When you get back, there might be doughnuts."

Kara spun around, wide eyed and grinning. "Really?"

"Really."

"I'm gonna go fast," Kara warned.

"Me too," Alex replied, challenging Kara with a raised brow.

"3… 2… 1… Go!" Kara yelled with a smile, darting toward the shower.

Alex laughed, heading to the front door and knowing for sure that Kara would be finished before she was back. But Alex couldn't bring herself to care about losing their race, not when it made Kara laugh and smile and seem a little bit like her old self. That was enough of a win for Alex.


End file.
